“Dai! Come back! It’s dangerous!”
I closed my eyes trying to ignore Jar but he started yelling even more.
“Daaaai! Come on, I know you can hear me! Dai!”
As he started getting annoyed, I rose, sitting in the boat. The water started trembling almost imperceptible, but causing the rowboat to swing. As soon as the shacking stopped I looked at the far shore where Jar was standing stiff looking worriedly at me. He always worries too much… at least this is my impression of him for now.
“How is sitting in a rowboat dangerous?” I shouted at him.
“Even if it might not look like it, this lake is rather deep. So don’t go so far from the shore!”
Seriously… I lay down back again, trying to get that peaceful feeling back. Although I didn’t want to admit it out loud, I needed it. Those past few months had been way too disturbing for him… Although he finally started accommodating with the new circumstances, he still was well shaken. He couldn’t concentrate so he stood up again and started rowing back to the shore.
“Why did you go so far? I was so worried!” Yeah, sure. As if he would really be able to come to care for me in such a short time.
“Sorry. I didn’t realise it was so dangerous…”
“Never mind, thank God you’re safe and sound. You may go rowing, but please don’t peril yourself like that again!”
“I’ll keep that in mind” I smiled at him and headed for the cottage.
The huge two floor rustic looking building was fitting perfectly with the scenery surrounding it. The red brick house with a huge wooden roof seemed to grow out of the earth as naturally as the coniferous trees that surrounded it on 3 sides. At a certain distance (I guessed there were at least 500 metres) behind it all of a sudden the mountain sprang out of the ground stunningly, as if sculpted. Yet, in front of it was a far-reaching meadow with a widespread clear lake somewhere on the left, fed by a splashing brook. But the inside of the house was nothing like the outside. The only thing that could make you remember that you are at the mountain side was the view from the windows, as the inside had nothing that could help one tell it apart from the main manor or the family. All the luxuriant furniture and the purple ceramic tiles were there. None was missing. I went straight for the grand staircase and climbed to the second storey. I passed through the long hallway and stopped in front of a wood room door and opened it. I entered my large room and lay down on my bed. The amethyst sheets matched perfectly with the lavender bed curtains, making me feel at ease. At home, I always had my parents paint my room in lavender, so now I was feeling relaxed... Although I initially thought this colour would remind me of those painful memories, my favourite colour didn’t betray me, and helped me relax, forget all about it. It didn’t take much and I fell asleep, even though I wasn’t that tired.
I was standing in front of me. But I was somewhat different... somehow... darker... Not that the me in front of myself was any different looks-wise, but he seemed darker... Maybe the expression on my face made me seem like that. I was sad, annoyed at that me, but I knew he was right... I couldn’t remember what we were talking about but I had the feeling that we were having a dispute for quite a while...
“They abandoned you!”
“They had no other choice!” I tried to defend them.
“Are you sure? They didn’t seem to care any bit!” he groaned at me and violently pointed somewhere at his right, without averting his glare from me. I looked where he showed me: a very familiar and painful scene. My dad telling me nonchalantly that I was to leave the house as they couldn’t afford to sustain me anymore while my mom was gently caressing my baby brother, looking at me almost with disgust.
“It has nothing to do with it. They did it for my own welfare!”
“Hah, you’re so pathetic. Why do you keep asserting them? Can’t you remember what they told you? They wanted to get rid of you! They were happy to do it!” and he once again waved his hand violently, adding sound to the moving images: << “We don’t have the money to support you and your three little brothers.” “Then I’ll also work!” “How? You have a weak physique and the only thing you can do is study. We can’t send you to school and even if we could I’d prefer saving the money for your brothers who have much more potential” “But...” “Don’t you dare say anything against your father! He’s right and you can’t do anything else! What do you know?! I shouldn’t have ever given birth to a both stupid and ill mistake like you!”>>
“They might’ve said that but they still found a family to adopt me...”
“They found? It’s just because your mother’s judge brother didn’t want any kind of problem like child abandoning in his family!”
“But...” “Be realist! How happy are you now? The Hawthornes have treated you really well… but do they love you? It’s obvious that the care they show is purely theatrical. Face it… you’re not wanted anywhere. You’re not wanted by anyone… you’re not wanted by Jar, or Lisa.”
Although deep down I already knew this, his words inflicted great damage, as if squashing a lemon above the wound… I felt like crying, but couldn’t do it.
And yet a warm overflowing tear stream woke me up. I immediately stood up and hurried to the bathroom in my room. I let the water run and with my palms I splashed water on my face. I looked in the mirror – a pale complexion, red eyes and an unreadable expression (I wondered if this is what they call a poker face…). But I wasn’t always like this. Before I was a cheerful child. Although I always had a weak physique, I always had a tanned skin as I was always playing outside. From times to times I’d faint from exhaustion or sunstroke and so on but I’d never give up. I loved being with others and I liked laughing, I was happy. I was a cry-baby and I easily showed my emotions.
The person I was seeing in the mirror was the complete opposite. I hated myself for becoming like that. But what else could I do? I didn’t want to inconvenience my new “family” and, above all, didn’t want to show my emotions anymore. I didn’t want to be betrayed again. Though I was prepared to open up to the right person 6 months have passed and no one appeared. There were some who tried to crack me up, but... I didn’t trust them yet. Especially Jar.
Jar was my new “big bro”. I had always been the eldest brother but when I was adopted by the Hawthorne family I also got two brothers. An elder one, Jarrett, and a younger one, Kris. The parents I rarely met as they were always on a business trip. Oh, did I mention they were one of the richest families in the country? But doesn’t matter... One of the few people who tried to make myself open up (like teachers, classmates and servants) was Jar. He always seemed to be concerned about me, and I knew he was kind. I admired and liked him, and I knew I could come to love him. But I also knew that he was concerned because he thought he was responsible for me and because his parents asked him to look out for me. And also, I knew he pitied me. All these feelings but not love. He didn’t really think of me as a brother but as a kind of a stray cat he picked up. He didn’t consider me as family, and although he didn’t show it openly as Kris did, I was more than sure he considered me an annoyance.
Suddenly someone knocked.
“Dai, it’s me. Can you open, please?” Asked Jar with a slightly concerned tone. I wondered what did I do this time and opened him. He came into the room glanced at the room and then looked at me. His worried expression was so obvious that I wondered if it’s fake.
“What happened? You’ve closed yourself in this room ever since yesterday afternoon...”
“Now that you mention it, it really is morning.”
“Did something happen? You’re eyes are red... If it’s about yesterday...”
“Don’t worry! It’s nothing. I just fell asleep and forgot to wake up, that’s all” I said and tried laughing so as to convince him, but it seems I wasn’t very persuasive since he still had the worried look.
“Really, don’t worry! I wouldn’t have a nervous break-down or something just because I was scolded for endangering myself...”
“Ok, then. But please come and have breakfast with us. You didn’t eat anything ever since yesterday, did you?”
“Well, I might be a bit hungry... Ok, I’m comi..”
The simple mentioning of food made my stomach growl and realise I was actually quite hungry. But suddenly I felt I had no energy and my sight turned black. I instinctively stretched my arm to lean on something so as not to fall, but my legs failed me and I would’ve fallen on my back if not for Jar, who caught me on time.
“Dai! Are you ok? You don’t feel well?” asked Jar panicked.
“Sorry, just a bit anaemic, that’s all. I slept for too much. As soon as I eat something I’ll be back on my feet.”
“Ok, then, stay here! I’ll bring you something to eat. Here, stay in bed. I’ll be back in a second!”
“Wait, I can walk now!” But Jar already disappeared behind the door. I stood up and headed for the dinning room. I reached my hand for the latch but stopped midway when I heard Kris’s shouting angry voice:
“So what! So what he is ill or sick or whatever! For all I care, he can go ahead and die! I don’t give a damn! He suddenly barged in our lives and now wants us to call him our “brother”? He’s nothing more than a pauper! Why’d we have to care for him?! You don’t have to lower yourself to a servant and bring his food to bed! He doesn’t deserve it!”
“And do you?!” Jar said calmly but with a tone I had never thought him capable of using. “Watch your mouth! You have been educated better than this. Our parents adopted him and we have to respect their decision whether we want it or not. Now be careful what you do and don’t you dare sadden Dai more than he is. You wouldn’t want to be in his place!”
Just as I thought... oh, why do I care anymore?!
“But...”
“Enough. This subject is over.”
“This is not fair!” I heard the 13 years old boy lament as I opened the door. When I came in both of them turned their eyes at me and in a flicker of a second their expression turned from surprise to embarrassment in Jar’s case and anger, even hatred in Kris’s case. The younger one rushed towards me and I let him run through the door. For a second I thought I saw a tear in his eye. As soon as he left I went ahead and sit at the table which was full of food and started picking randomly – cheese, bacon etc. As I was eating I saw Jar still standing there without saying anything,
“Did you eat?” I asked him as if nothing happened.
“... Sorry for...” he started in a low tone, apologetic, but I interrupted him:
“Drop it” I said as if I was having a normal conversation while eating, and took another helping of eggs.
“Sorry...” he said again, in the same manner, sit at the table and helped himself.
_____________
a.n. : this is the continuation of try.
Dai = Jeff. Didn't like the name(too common)
I hope you liked (loved:P) and you'll comment:D
